Being a Dad with complex PTSD – when rage takes over

TW: child abuse, suicidal thoughts I’m a Dad with complex PTSD. I suffer terribly with depression, shame, rage, self-loathing, anxiety, self-harm, avoidance, paranoia, a bunch of other stuff. But I am trying to raise a child, and to do the best job possible. I am trying my hardest to break the cycle of abuse that

You need to grow up!

Trigger warning: mentions child abuse, being a parent with cPTSD You need to grow up! It’s a phrase, with many variations, I must have heard a thousand times when I was a child. It’s a phrase so ingrained in me that I still say it in my own head, and today I caught myself saying

Should I take up therapy again?

I know it’s a new year, but it really actually feels new right now, and that’s because a few things are really quite different to how they were just 3 or 4 weeks ago. My therapist, who I had been seeing for 7 months, and who had been helping me make progress with EMDR, announced

The trouble with end of year

Trigger warnings: narcissistic parents, child abuse, suicidal ideation It has been a while since I last posted. I think the main reason for that is the feeling that my posts aren’t really worthwhile. Either i’ve got nothing new to say, or I don’t think anyone will read it or care. There has been the subtle

The food challenge

Trigger warning: anaphylaxis I haven’t written much about my daughter’s food allergies yet. Of all the issues that our little family is dealing with, this is probably the one that I have the least grasp of, the least understanding or control. I know there is trauma there to process, but it feels like it’ll be

Rage, and shame

It didn’t occur to me to write about my feelings until this morning, which may be one reason things got out of hand last night. When things happen, I want to understand their causes, and ideally think of a way to find a better outcome if they happen again. But for now, all I have

Mummy issues

Trigger warning: child abuse, narcissistic parents, emotional abuse I’ve had a pretty crap 24 hours or so, and was going to write about it. But instead, i’m going to talk about this topic of ‘mummy issues’ thanks to a tweet by @Lads_Like_Us who are doing so much to start difficult conversations around sexual abuse and

The daily grind

Trigger warnings: possible eating disorder, trauma, child sexual abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts I guess i’m guilty of over-analysing things. I have often thought (mid-analysis) that I would be a lot happier if I didn’t think about stuff. I feel like there are millions of people in my country who don’t really think about stuff,

Circling the whirlpool

I’ve been going back and forth over what to write in this post. I started by wanting to bemoan my lack of support network. It’s been a really challenging week, with going back to work after a long absence, and our daughter being off sick with a nasty virus. These are things the general populace

The start of the chapter

I had my first real meltdown of my 30s when my daughter was about 6 months old, in 2018. She had terrible eczema. Her skin was constantly raw, most of the time she had to wear mittens or socks on her little hands, to try to prevent her scratching herself and slicing her skin. We