CW: Suicidal ideation It has been several months since I last posted – there has been a lot going on. It’s coming up to a year since I started this blog. I was in a desperately dark place when I began. On reflection, many, many things have changed in that year, but I still findContinue reading “Vulnerability”

Being a Dad with complex PTSD – when rage takes over

TW: child abuse, suicidal thoughts I’m a Dad with complex PTSD. I suffer terribly with depression, shame, rage, self-loathing, anxiety, self-harm, avoidance, paranoia, a bunch of other stuff. But I am trying to raise a child, and to do the best job possible. I am trying my hardest to break the cycle of abuse thatContinue reading “Being a Dad with complex PTSD – when rage takes over”

You need to grow up!

Trigger warning: mentions child abuse, being a parent with cPTSD You need to grow up! It’s a phrase, with many variations, I must have heard a thousand times when I was a child. It’s a phrase so ingrained in me that I still say it in my own head, and today I caught myself sayingContinue reading “You need to grow up!”

Should I take up therapy again?

I know it’s a new year, but it really actually feels new right now, and that’s because a few things are really quite different to how they were just 3 or 4 weeks ago. My therapist, who I had been seeing for 7 months, and who had been helping me make progress with EMDR, announcedContinue reading “Should I take up therapy again?”

The trouble with end of year

Trigger warnings: narcissistic parents, child abuse, suicidal ideation It has been a while since I last posted. I think the main reason for that is the feeling that my posts aren’t really worthwhile. Either i’ve got nothing new to say, or I don’t think anyone will read it or care. There has been the subtleContinue reading “The trouble with end of year”

A week of ups and downs

Trigger warning: I talk about food, weight loss and comfort eating It has been a week since my last post, but it feels like a much longer interval. It has been a busy week, and I feel like a few things have changed. First of all, an update on my daughter’s food challenge in midweek.Continue reading “A week of ups and downs”

Mummy issues

Trigger warning: child abuse, narcissistic parents, emotional abuse I’ve had a pretty crap 24 hours or so, and was going to write about it. But instead, i’m going to talk about this topic of ‘mummy issues’ thanks to a tweet by @Lads_Like_Us who are doing so much to start difficult conversations around sexual abuse andContinue reading “Mummy issues”

More processing

Looks like another double post day. Just like London buses… I want to write a bit about the memory I’ve been processing in my EMDR sessions. I think doing this after therapy helps consolidate the session. The memory is one I’ve described previously, a recollection of self-harm when I was 16 or so, when myContinue reading “More processing”