Vulnerability

CW: Suicidal ideation It has been several months since I last posted – there has been a lot going on. It’s coming up to a year since I started this blog. I was in a desperately dark place when I began. On reflection, many, many things have changed in that year, but I still find

Being a Dad with complex PTSD – when rage takes over

TW: child abuse, suicidal thoughts I’m a Dad with complex PTSD. I suffer terribly with depression, shame, rage, self-loathing, anxiety, self-harm, avoidance, paranoia, a bunch of other stuff. But I am trying to raise a child, and to do the best job possible. I am trying my hardest to break the cycle of abuse that

Should I take up therapy again?

I know it’s a new year, but it really actually feels new right now, and that’s because a few things are really quite different to how they were just 3 or 4 weeks ago. My therapist, who I had been seeing for 7 months, and who had been helping me make progress with EMDR, announced

The trouble with end of year

Trigger warnings: narcissistic parents, child abuse, suicidal ideation It has been a while since I last posted. I think the main reason for that is the feeling that my posts aren’t really worthwhile. Either i’ve got nothing new to say, or I don’t think anyone will read it or care. There has been the subtle

The Inner Critic

It’s a voice we probably all know, though I can only speak for myself. For as long as I can remember, it has been the default setting to hold myself to account for my mistakes, to strive to be better – at least, that’s what I thought I was doing. Only since starting therapy 2

A week of ups and downs

Trigger warning: I talk about food, weight loss and comfort eating It has been a week since my last post, but it feels like a much longer interval. It has been a busy week, and I feel like a few things have changed. First of all, an update on my daughter’s food challenge in midweek.

Mummy issues

Trigger warning: child abuse, narcissistic parents, emotional abuse I’ve had a pretty crap 24 hours or so, and was going to write about it. But instead, i’m going to talk about this topic of ‘mummy issues’ thanks to a tweet by @Lads_Like_Us who are doing so much to start difficult conversations around sexual abuse and

Bravery

Trigger warnings: child abuse, parental abuse One of the things that has surprised me since starting this blog is people commenting on my bravery for posting. It’s kind of them to say that, but I have to admit, I don’t feel brave at all. I feel a mix of fear and nothingness. I post anonymously

Desperation

Trigger warning: child abuse, trauma, flashbacks, depression, suicidal ideation, self harm The whole point of this damned blog is to write, and the whole point of writing is to help me get things out of my head and, hopefully, process them a bit. So here goes and apologies in advance if it’s just a rant/moan.

The daily grind

Trigger warnings: possible eating disorder, trauma, child sexual abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts I guess i’m guilty of over-analysing things. I have often thought (mid-analysis) that I would be a lot happier if I didn’t think about stuff. I feel like there are millions of people in my country who don’t really think about stuff,