CW: Suicidal ideation It has been several months since I last posted – there has been a lot going on. It’s coming up to a year since I started this blog. I was in a desperately dark place when I began. On reflection, many, many things have changed in that year, but I still findContinue reading “Vulnerability”
Tag Archives: cptsd
Being a Dad with complex PTSD – when rage takes over
TW: child abuse, suicidal thoughts I’m a Dad with complex PTSD. I suffer terribly with depression, shame, rage, self-loathing, anxiety, self-harm, avoidance, paranoia, a bunch of other stuff. But I am trying to raise a child, and to do the best job possible. I am trying my hardest to break the cycle of abuse thatContinue reading “Being a Dad with complex PTSD – when rage takes over”
You need to grow up!
Trigger warning: mentions child abuse, being a parent with cPTSD You need to grow up! It’s a phrase, with many variations, I must have heard a thousand times when I was a child. It’s a phrase so ingrained in me that I still say it in my own head, and today I caught myself sayingContinue reading “You need to grow up!”
Should I take up therapy again?
I know it’s a new year, but it really actually feels new right now, and that’s because a few things are really quite different to how they were just 3 or 4 weeks ago. My therapist, who I had been seeing for 7 months, and who had been helping me make progress with EMDR, announcedContinue reading “Should I take up therapy again?”
The trouble with end of year
Trigger warnings: narcissistic parents, child abuse, suicidal ideation It has been a while since I last posted. I think the main reason for that is the feeling that my posts aren’t really worthwhile. Either i’ve got nothing new to say, or I don’t think anyone will read it or care. There has been the subtleContinue reading “The trouble with end of year”
The Inner Critic
It’s a voice we probably all know, though I can only speak for myself. For as long as I can remember, it has been the default setting to hold myself to account for my mistakes, to strive to be better – at least, that’s what I thought I was doing. Only since starting therapy 2Continue reading “The Inner Critic”
A week of ups and downs
Trigger warning: I talk about food, weight loss and comfort eating It has been a week since my last post, but it feels like a much longer interval. It has been a busy week, and I feel like a few things have changed. First of all, an update on my daughter’s food challenge in midweek.Continue reading “A week of ups and downs”
Rage, and shame
It didn’t occur to me to write about my feelings until this morning, which may be one reason things got out of hand last night. When things happen, I want to understand their causes, and ideally think of a way to find a better outcome if they happen again. But for now, all I haveContinue reading “Rage, and shame”
Mummy issues
Trigger warning: child abuse, narcissistic parents, emotional abuse I’ve had a pretty crap 24 hours or so, and was going to write about it. But instead, i’m going to talk about this topic of ‘mummy issues’ thanks to a tweet by @Lads_Like_Us who are doing so much to start difficult conversations around sexual abuse andContinue reading “Mummy issues”
More processing
Looks like another double post day. Just like London buses… I want to write a bit about the memory I’ve been processing in my EMDR sessions. I think doing this after therapy helps consolidate the session. The memory is one I’ve described previously, a recollection of self-harm when I was 16 or so, when myContinue reading “More processing”
Fasting and Fuming 