You need to grow up!

Trigger warning: mentions child abuse, being a parent with cPTSD You need to grow up! It’s a phrase, with many variations, I must have heard a thousand times when I was a child. It’s a phrase so ingrained in me that I still say it in my own head, and today I caught myself saying

The trouble with end of year

Trigger warnings: narcissistic parents, child abuse, suicidal ideation It has been a while since I last posted. I think the main reason for that is the feeling that my posts aren’t really worthwhile. Either i’ve got nothing new to say, or I don’t think anyone will read it or care. There has been the subtle

Mummy issues

Trigger warning: child abuse, narcissistic parents, emotional abuse I’ve had a pretty crap 24 hours or so, and was going to write about it. But instead, i’m going to talk about this topic of ‘mummy issues’ thanks to a tweet by @Lads_Like_Us who are doing so much to start difficult conversations around sexual abuse and

Bravery

Trigger warnings: child abuse, parental abuse One of the things that has surprised me since starting this blog is people commenting on my bravery for posting. It’s kind of them to say that, but I have to admit, I don’t feel brave at all. I feel a mix of fear and nothingness. I post anonymously

Desperation

Trigger warning: child abuse, trauma, flashbacks, depression, suicidal ideation, self harm The whole point of this damned blog is to write, and the whole point of writing is to help me get things out of my head and, hopefully, process them a bit. So here goes and apologies in advance if it’s just a rant/moan.

The daily grind

Trigger warnings: possible eating disorder, trauma, child sexual abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts I guess i’m guilty of over-analysing things. I have often thought (mid-analysis) that I would be a lot happier if I didn’t think about stuff. I feel like there are millions of people in my country who don’t really think about stuff,

Could someone have helped?

Trigger warning: child abuse, child sexual abuse, self-harm For many years, I thought what I had gone through during childhood was pretty normal. Well, no, that’s not quite right. I knew that what had happened to me at a very young age, being abused my my gran in her room in our house, was wrong.

Why I want nothing to do with religion

Trigger warnings: child abuse, religion, narcissism, alcoholism First thing’s first, I do not judge people before I know them, and I am not writing this post to start any anti-religion sentiment. I know people who have found solace in religion, who have turned their lives around because of it, and I am happy to be

The start of the chapter

I had my first real meltdown of my 30s when my daughter was about 6 months old, in 2018. She had terrible eczema. Her skin was constantly raw, most of the time she had to wear mittens or socks on her little hands, to try to prevent her scratching herself and slicing her skin. We

A trigger…

Trigger warning: child abuse, trauma, narcissism A bonus blog post today, it seems. This week I was backed into a corner by my dad, a narcissist, who gave me an ultimatum. He is out of the house for a few days and instructed me to call my mum to check in on her. Doesn’t sound