The Inner Critic

It’s a voice we probably all know, though I can only speak for myself. For as long as I can remember, it has been the default setting to hold myself to account for my mistakes, to strive to be better – at least, that’s what I thought I was doing. Only since starting therapy 2Continue reading “The Inner Critic”

Bravery

Trigger warnings: child abuse, parental abuse One of the things that has surprised me since starting this blog is people commenting on my bravery for posting. It’s kind of them to say that, but I have to admit, I don’t feel brave at all. I feel a mix of fear and nothingness. I post anonymouslyContinue reading “Bravery”

The daily grind

Trigger warnings: possible eating disorder, trauma, child sexual abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts I guess i’m guilty of over-analysing things. I have often thought (mid-analysis) that I would be a lot happier if I didn’t think about stuff. I feel like there are millions of people in my country who don’t really think about stuff,Continue reading “The daily grind”

Could someone have helped?

Trigger warning: child abuse, child sexual abuse, self-harm For many years, I thought what I had gone through during childhood was pretty normal. Well, no, that’s not quite right. I knew that what had happened to me at a very young age, being abused my my gran in her room in our house, was wrong.Continue reading “Could someone have helped?”

Surviving

Hello, how are you today? It’s Monday. I’m wondering if you’re one of those people that looks forward to their week kicking off, or if you’re just hanging on in there. Or perhaps you’re in a much worse place than that. Me? I am in survival mode after last week. This is a state whereContinue reading “Surviving”

Recognising and managing emotional flashbacks

Trigger warning: cptsd, trauma, religion, self-harm, rage, childhood trauma It’s time for another post about triggers in complex PTSD (cptsd). I’ve written previously about how subtle triggers can really ruin your day, and they can come in many forms, from something somebody says, to a smell or the lighting in the room. Today – guessContinue reading “Recognising and managing emotional flashbacks”

Circling the whirlpool

I’ve been going back and forth over what to write in this post. I started by wanting to bemoan my lack of support network. It’s been a really challenging week, with going back to work after a long absence, and our daughter being off sick with a nasty virus. These are things the general populaceContinue reading “Circling the whirlpool”

I really hate CPTSD

I really, really do. For so many reasons, which are no doubt becoming apparent if you’ve read much of my blog. Today’s hate is down to subtle triggers. Things you don’t even notice until you realise your mood had changed. A cloud has descended on you and there doesn’t seem to be a logical explanation.Continue reading “I really hate CPTSD”

Day 24 – Psychological assessment

OK, so i’m a couple of days late with this, but better late than never. Having checked in with my physical status after 3 weeks of my weight loss challenge, i’m going to revisit the assessments of depression and anxiety, in an attempt to gauge whether the challenge has had any impact on my psychologically.Continue reading “Day 24 – Psychological assessment”

Night and day

It’s the weekend. I hope you have something nice lined up. I don’t know what I’m going to do, but for once I actually feel like I have options and I’m….energetic. Normally, weekends are horrible for me and I am just thinking of how I can while them away. Yep, you read that right, IContinue reading “Night and day”