World mental health day

It’s Sunday 10th October, which means it’s World Mental Health Day. I daresay, this is a day inadvertently designed to be difficult for people with mental illness. I understand that we need to raise awareness, and that that is a vital early step before real change can happen. However, I have a number of issues

I have no idea what i’m doing

Look, I want to help myself and, if possible, others, – and so I say and do things which I hope are going to be helpful. But sometimes, you have to know your limitations and realise you may be doing more harm than good. I pride myself on being someone who knows what they don’t

Circling the whirlpool

I’ve been going back and forth over what to write in this post. I started by wanting to bemoan my lack of support network. It’s been a really challenging week, with going back to work after a long absence, and our daughter being off sick with a nasty virus. These are things the general populace

A comforting embrace

Trigger warning: self-harm Writing helps me, no doubt, so I’m writing this because I’m really struggling with a jumble of thoughts and emotions after my EMDR session today. I’ve been processing a memory. It’s the one where I was about 16 and had been arguing with my dad. I ran upstairs to my room and

Rabbit holes

Rabbit holes, we’ve all been down them. You open Twitter without really thinking about it, or you meant to go on there to look at something else, then you see a viral tweet and get consumed by wading through the responses. Fifteen minutes later and you had no idea why you picked up your phone.

I came away with the L

To borrow from a sporting analogy, yesterday I was 2-0 up with ten minutes to play, and lost 3-2, at home. I had been having a really great Saturday, by my standards. Up with the kid from 6, which was actually pretty enjoyable, then had a really good walk in the afternoon, and a pretty

I really hate CPTSD

I really, really do. For so many reasons, which are no doubt becoming apparent if you’ve read much of my blog. Today’s hate is down to subtle triggers. Things you don’t even notice until you realise your mood had changed. A cloud has descended on you and there doesn’t seem to be a logical explanation.

The face of progress

Trigger warning: self harm Today has hit me like a truck. Yesterday I was walking on air. Fasting really well, going for a run and a walk, feeling really quite great. Then I woke up this morning and felt different. I’ve struggled to understand why, only settling on it being a childcare day, and thus

The start of the chapter

I had my first real meltdown of my 30s when my daughter was about 6 months old, in 2018. She had terrible eczema. Her skin was constantly raw, most of the time she had to wear mittens or socks on her little hands, to try to prevent her scratching herself and slicing her skin. We

Day 24 – Psychological assessment

OK, so i’m a couple of days late with this, but better late than never. Having checked in with my physical status after 3 weeks of my weight loss challenge, i’m going to revisit the assessments of depression and anxiety, in an attempt to gauge whether the challenge has had any impact on my psychologically.