A moment

Tense, taut and toxic,Pain grips my throat.My eyes squeeze shut. Light cast out, Hopelessness rules the empty black. Tears escape, a wail choked back.It’s just me and me now. In this moment, the world could end.

Surviving

Hello, how are you today? It’s Monday. I’m wondering if you’re one of those people that looks forward to their week kicking off, or if you’re just hanging on in there. Or perhaps you’re in a much worse place than that. Me? I am in survival mode after last week. This is a state where

I know football is bad for me but…

To all intents and purposes, i’m a pretty average man. Mid (ok, late) 30s, a bit overweight, wife and kid, love the footy. In fact, i’ve loved football (soccer, for those readers across the pond) since I was about 6 or 7 years old I think. I have fond memories of World Cup ’94, and

Fighting

I don’t know if I can go on fighting. Even when I get ahead against myself, something drags me back down. I don’t have any resilience left. I almost feel ridiculous writing this but I’m hoping it will bring me back. I’m fighting so hard right now not to take a leap off a cliff

Recognising and managing emotional flashbacks

Trigger warning: cptsd, trauma, religion, self-harm, rage, childhood trauma It’s time for another post about triggers in complex PTSD (cptsd). I’ve written previously about how subtle triggers can really ruin your day, and they can come in many forms, from something somebody says, to a smell or the lighting in the room. Today – guess

Week 6 physical assessment

I started my weight-loss challenge on the 1st September, needing to lose 20kg by Christmas. That was 6 weeks ago today, so it’s time for a weigh-in. The last week has been pretty good diet-wise. I’ve eaten one meal every day, although sometimes the size of that meal has probably been excessive! I’ve fasted between

Why I want nothing to do with religion

Trigger warnings: child abuse, religion, narcissism, alcoholism First thing’s first, I do not judge people before I know them, and I am not writing this post to start any anti-religion sentiment. I know people who have found solace in religion, who have turned their lives around because of it, and I am happy to be

World mental health day

It’s Sunday 10th October, which means it’s World Mental Health Day. I daresay, this is a day inadvertently designed to be difficult for people with mental illness. I understand that we need to raise awareness, and that that is a vital early step before real change can happen. However, I have a number of issues

I have no idea what i’m doing

Look, I want to help myself and, if possible, others, – and so I say and do things which I hope are going to be helpful. But sometimes, you have to know your limitations and realise you may be doing more harm than good. I pride myself on being someone who knows what they don’t

Circling the whirlpool

I’ve been going back and forth over what to write in this post. I started by wanting to bemoan my lack of support network. It’s been a really challenging week, with going back to work after a long absence, and our daughter being off sick with a nasty virus. These are things the general populace