A week of ups and downs

Trigger warning: I talk about food, weight loss and comfort eating It has been a week since my last post, but it feels like a much longer interval. It has been a busy week, and I feel like a few things have changed. First of all, an update on my daughter’s food challenge in midweek.

The food challenge

Trigger warning: anaphylaxis I haven’t written much about my daughter’s food allergies yet. Of all the issues that our little family is dealing with, this is probably the one that I have the least grasp of, the least understanding or control. I know there is trauma there to process, but it feels like it’ll be

Rage, and shame

It didn’t occur to me to write about my feelings until this morning, which may be one reason things got out of hand last night. When things happen, I want to understand their causes, and ideally think of a way to find a better outcome if they happen again. But for now, all I have

Mummy issues

Trigger warning: child abuse, narcissistic parents, emotional abuse I’ve had a pretty crap 24 hours or so, and was going to write about it. But instead, i’m going to talk about this topic of ‘mummy issues’ thanks to a tweet by @Lads_Like_Us who are doing so much to start difficult conversations around sexual abuse and

More processing

Looks like another double post day. Just like London buses… I want to write a bit about the memory I’ve been processing in my EMDR sessions. I think doing this after therapy helps consolidate the session. The memory is one I’ve described previously, a recollection of self-harm when I was 16 or so, when my

Bravery

Trigger warnings: child abuse, parental abuse One of the things that has surprised me since starting this blog is people commenting on my bravery for posting. It’s kind of them to say that, but I have to admit, I don’t feel brave at all. I feel a mix of fear and nothingness. I post anonymously

Desperation

Trigger warning: child abuse, trauma, flashbacks, depression, suicidal ideation, self harm The whole point of this damned blog is to write, and the whole point of writing is to help me get things out of my head and, hopefully, process them a bit. So here goes and apologies in advance if it’s just a rant/moan.

The daily grind

Trigger warnings: possible eating disorder, trauma, child sexual abuse, mental illness, suicidal thoughts I guess i’m guilty of over-analysing things. I have often thought (mid-analysis) that I would be a lot happier if I didn’t think about stuff. I feel like there are millions of people in my country who don’t really think about stuff,

Could someone have helped?

Trigger warning: child abuse, child sexual abuse, self-harm For many years, I thought what I had gone through during childhood was pretty normal. Well, no, that’s not quite right. I knew that what had happened to me at a very young age, being abused my my gran in her room in our house, was wrong.

Week 7 physical assessment

I started my weight-loss challenge on the 1st September, needing to lose 20kg by Christmas. That was 7 weeks ago today, so it’s time for a weigh-in. I almost didn’t bother this week, and came close to just ditching the challenge altogether. It has been such a hard week, and my diet has gone to