Hi, and welcome to my blog. I wrote the below when I started this blog in September 2021. It’s fair to say the focus has changed somewhat, and so I wanted to add this little update in February 2022.
I started my blog for a number of reasons, one of the most prominent being to track and motivate me as I embarked on a weight loss challenge. I ‘failed’ that challenge, as lots of bad things happened and my mental illness took over. I have documented much of what happened under the ‘Mental Health’ section of the site, accessed via the Main Menu.
I am still trying to look after my diet and physical health as part of my recovery and self-care, and you can read about that under the ‘Weight Loss Challenge’ section. However, most of my posts are now focused on struggles with mental illness, specifically complex PTSD and the depression and anxiety that follows. I talk about how I was abused throughout childhood, and how I am now trying to break the familial cycle of abuse as I raise my own child.
So, thank you for being here, and please get in touch if you have any thoughts.
[continue below to my ‘old’ welcome page]
I never thought I’d have a blog, but here I am and what the hell, let’s go.
I’m starting off (things may change) by posting about two things very close to my heart – they’re either side of it in fact – my brain and my stomach. Or more specifically, my mental health and my weight loss (hopefully).
I feel the two are intertwined, in that when I eat badly, my mental health suffers. There is growing evidence about this, but I’m not going to talk about evidence other than what happens to ME. I know for a stone cold fact that when I eat crap, I feel crap.
Unfortunately, it takes hold of you and it becomes extremely difficult to break the cycle. I’ve done it before though, and I’ll do it again. Last year I lost 20kg and maintained it until Christmas, with various fasting regimes. I’ll be doing this again and hoping that nothing significant derails my efforts this year!
Last week I ate this plate of sausages and condiments for lunch. It was a low. Not THE low, hell no, but A low, nonetheless. I want to stop eating things like this, and I’m hoping this blog will help. If a few people read and egg me on a bit, I’ll have some accountability.
I mean, it’s not like I’ve got a young family or anything (I have), or the knowledge that eating shit until my clothes don’t fit (even those from the ‘fat guy wardrobe’) is going to shorten my life (I have), I need some random people to help me keep motivated.
Well, that’s the thing about my particular cocktail of mental health issues. I’ll fawn (the fourth ‘F’ of the fight, flight, freeze response) to people I don’t know or like, hoping not to upset them, while simultaneously hurting myself and those who actually love me. Go brain.
In theory, said brain will respond well to my approach to weight loss:
- Exercise (walking, resistance bands)
- Fasting (intermittent daily and 24-72h fasts)
- Low carb diet
What could go wrong…
Well, it worked before. I just need that spur of inspiration to get going properly. Well, yesterday I cried for 4 hours and felt like I must be at rock bottom. I considered overdosing on various pills I have in the house.
Doesn’t sound very inspirational, does it?
Well, today I woke up having survived that (again). Something clicked inside – I’m ready to change things.
It’s not the first time I’ve tried to kick start a diet this year. In fact I’ve tried and failed about 15 times, but today is different. I know it in my bones. So, to quote another mentally ill person, “here…we…go”.
Thank you and take care of yourself